Don't Drift Away
by Shikamaru'sLover01
Summary: Naruto cuts and just wants to die, be like the water and get washed away. He gets into a relationship with Sasuke who betrays him to the most extrem. Is there anyone to save him this time?Rated M for later chapters.
1. Can't Stop

-1A/N: Jeez its been so long since I wrote a fanfic. Sorry about that. And sorry if this isn't as good as my others. But hopefully this is good enough to make up for such a long time not writing. An experience like this just happened and this is how I hoped things would work out, though sadly my life is in crumbles right now. But that's my issue. Enjoy my fanfic. Leave reviews with ideas for new fanfics. I'm desperate to write anything good. Hopefully I get some good ideas and won't take so long to write a new one. Lyrics are from Tokio Hotel-Don't Jump.

_On top of the roof  
The air is so cold and so calm  
I say your name in silence  
You don't want to hear it right now_

Xxx--xxX

Happiness in its most blatant form is within a budding relationship. Love, loneliness, and happiness could all be mistaken as one another.

Tears fall from his eyes. Land on his leg and run down to dampen the sheets on his bed. Despair was clutching his heart. He could feel it. A smothering sensation, he could all but see a black cloud surround his heart and squeeze until all thoughts of humanity was rung out through his eyes with his tears. Which fell from his eyes, and dampen his sheets.

So many times this emptiness, this blackness has come to him. He was tired of it, tired of the pain. Of the heartache. He was done with life, done with the people who had caused his pain. He grabbed the kunai that he always kept within reach. He grabbed the paper towels which always resided beside the kunai. He pulled his sleeves up, took a moment to look at the old scars that were there. He had stopped. For so long the pain gripped him but he managed to over come it. Not now. He put the kunai to his skin and pulled.

He shivered at the bittersweet sensation that was sent throughout his body. His blood joined his tears on his sheets, staining them a beautiful red. He placed his kunai to his skin again and pressed harder. He licked his lips at the almost orgasmic sensation. His eyes fell closed. His breathing became labored. He pressed again, and again, cutting deeper and deeper.

He sighed. Let his shaking hand fall and let loose the bloodied kunai. He opened his eyes and glanced at the clock. 5:02 it proclaimed to the world of his bedroom. He needed to be at the bridge at 6:30 to meet his team. He placed the kunai in the sink on his way into the bathroom.

He looked at himself in the mirror above the sink, and shook his head. Dark bags under his eyes exclaimed his loss of sleep. Turning from the mirror he stripped, turning on and then stepping into the water of his morning shower. He hissed as the water touched the gapping scratches on his arm. He sighed again as he watched the blood pool from his arm, mix with the water and fall to the tub covering the white with red before washing away down the sink without leaving a trace, without leaving proof that it ever existed.

After he cleaned himself he dressed in his classic orange jumpsuit and cleaned off and replaced the kunai he glanced at the clock again, and he read 5:41. He decided to leave early.

He made his way slowly through the sleeping streets of Konaha. Few people were wake, fewer were actually in the streets. He made his way to the bridge. Sleeping city so easy to move through. He was the first from his team to show. He reached the middle of the bridge and looked over the side knowing it would be awhile before any of his team would be.

He stared deep into the waters below. Watching the swirling of water. He got mesmerized by the very simplicity that is waters existence. How it was so over looked, but so essential. His body sagged against the railing, and he wished it would give out. He imagined falling, landing in the water. He could feel the water rush over his head, rushing into his lungs. He imagined sinking to the bottom where he was washed away like the blood in the shower. He imagined floating up into the darkness that was sweet, sweet death.

"Hn, Naruto? Here before Sakura. Stupid dobe." Came a voice from behind him. Knowing who it was he spun around and faced the raven hair boy. "Shut up! Teme, I got every right to get to places when I very well please."

Sasuke ignored his taunting and sat on the railing. Naruto sighed and went back to starring into the water. Sasuke cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at the blond. "Up late playing with your dolls dobe?"

Naruto growled deep in his throat and threw a punch which Sasuke easily caught and deflected. Naruto threw a kick towards Sasuke's stomach, which the raven haired boy dodged. They fought for five minuets until Sasuke had Naruto pinned beneath him with his arms above his head. Sasuke laughed and stood up. "You're not usually such a pansy. You're no good right now."

Naruto huff and put on a affronted cover. "I could kick your ass, but I would hate for you to brake a nail." He flipped his hand in a feminine manner. While he did his sleeve fell down a few inches to show the edges of some of his cuts. He put his arm down and bowed his head as his heart raced at the thought of his secret being revealed to his enemy.

Xxx--xxX

A/N: Ok not as good as my others but this is just chapter one I'm hoping to get back in the groove of my good writing. There is SO MUCH that I want to do with this story, but the only way that I'll post what I write is if I get some reviews. so review away!!


	2. Don't Jump

-1A/N: Okay. Chapter Two, hopefully better than the first. O.O.C for a lot of the people, sorry. So Enjoy. The lyrics are from Scary Kids Scarring Kids two songs - Bulletproof and - My Darkest Hour.

Xxx--xxX

_it's happening again_

_so cross your fingers  
until there's nothing left_

_just stop and take a breath  
suck in the stench of death_

He narrowed his eyes. Looking down at the blond he knelt. "Naruto. You really are a baka." he whispered and pulled the blond against his chest and wrapped his arms around him. Naruto shook as he realized the position he was in. His sapphire eyes grew larger and he looked up at the cold Uchiha. He brought his hands up and pushed against him, pulling away.

"What the hell. Sasuke. What are you doing?" He said. He turned his head and pulled farther away.

"What am I doing? What are you doing?" Sasuke responded as he took the arm that he had seen the cuts on and yanked it up as he stood, forcing the blond to do the same. Naruto let out a yelp of pain, standing up and trying to pull his arm from Sasuke's grasp.

Sasuke grabbed the cuff of Naruto's sleeve and pulled it down. His eyes traveled the deeper gashes that were farther up his arm. He dropped the arm like it was on fire. His mouth fell open and he looked at the blond like he had never seen him before. "H-how…could you?"

"Sasuke-kun!!!" came a squeal from the end of the bridge as Sakura came racing across it. Sasuke looked over to her repulsed. Naruto wasn't sure it was repulsion at the pink haired girl's perfect moment ruining skills. Sakura threw her arms around him, batted her eyelashes, and attempted to flirt with him. Sasuke pushed her away trying desperately to get her to go away.

Naruto sat back down, brought his legs to his chest and slid backwards until he rested against the railing. He looked down and envied the water that was rushing by.

A puff of smoke above him made him look up. There was Kakashi, standing on the railing. He smiled behind his mask and said to the group "no mission today. Take today off." and he was gone with the same suddenness that he had showed up with.

Sighing in relief, Naruto jumped to his feet and ran off in the direction of his house. His feet pounded on the roads as he ran with all of his strength. He flew into his apartment and slammed the door behind him. He put his back to is and sank down until he was sitting. He brought up his knees and wrapped his arms around them. He buried his face in his arms as the look on Sasuke's face kept flashing across his eyes.

Xxx--xxX

_let me up  
let me out  
i am suffocating  
i can't live without this all behind me  
is this almost over now  
the luck is like my darkest hour  
where you will find me  
paralyzed and dying_

"_Buzz, Buzz_" The sound woke a sleeping Naruto. He picked his head up. He was sitting against the door. He moved his hand over his face and found it wet from tears. In a flash everything from the day came back. New tears threatened to over power him, but just as they were about to seize him more buzzing came. Someone was at the door. He stood and whipped away the tears. Grabbing the doorknob and preparing to send whoever it was away with a few less than polite words, all words died in his throat as he looked upon the person in his doorway.

"Wha-what…" He began but the person pushed him back. Stepping into the apartment, slamming the door behind them, the person grabbed Naruto's collar and slammed him against the door.

A/N: Ok. I got more goodies, more yaoi, more angst goodness, but you'll only get some if you review. So go down and review. Give me some ideas about future fanfics I can write. Or give me ideas of what I can do with this one. Sorry its so short. I promise the next one will be longer than the first two. hehehe.


	3. Can't Believe It

-1A/N: Okay. Chapter Three. Fun. Read. REVIEW. Thanks White Wolf 0604 and kira-chan's imagination for reviewing…twice! Your awesome guys. Thanks to the people who only reviewed once. Again sorry for oocness. Songs are Scary Kids Scaring Kids - Sink and Die and Tokio Hotel songs - Ready, Set, GO and - Break Away

Xxx--xxX

_So these tears keep falling  
I'm drowning in my very own misery.  
I'm sinking can't you see?  
Standing neck deep in your ridicule._

"Hn. You think I'd let you just walk away after what I saw?" Sasuke looked at the blond, who he had pinned against the door his hands on the boy's shoulders. Naruto slapped his left arm away, attempting to get free from him, but Sasuke merely moved his hands to cup his cheeks, and took a step forward, brining his face inches from Naruto's. "I want answers."

Naruto's lip trembled, but he said defiantly. "Why should I give you anything Teme. You don't give a damn. You've never given a damn. I would have thought you would be happy to see me gone. I'm just a pest. A stupid wannabe ninja. Why would yo--" Sasuke silenced his rant by placing his lips against the blonde's for mere seconds. before pulling way, letting the blond loose.

Naruto sank to his knees and shook his head. "What are you playing at? You find out I'm mentally unstable so you see how far you can push me over the edge?" He looked up with his clear sapphire eyes and looked into the cold black eyes. Sasuke knelt before blond and cupped his face again, running his thumbs over his whiskered cheeks.

"I'm not playing anything. I want answers." he said. There was an edge to his voice that contradicted the softness of his motions. Naruto was shaking. He wanted so badly to just let out everything, finally give words to the emotions he had been feeling, and holding in for years. He opened his mouth but no sound came out.

The dark cloud that surrounded his heard pulled tight. Squeezing his heart, squeezing his lungs so the only thing that came out of his throat was a squeak. He closed his eyes and looked down. Tears threatened to crawl from behind his closed lids.

Sasuke pulled his face closer and gently moved his lips against his. "Tell me." he whispered. Naruto pulled away brought his face down, and buried his face in his chest and let spill from his lips all things hidden for so long.

Baring his soul to Sasuke was easier than he imagined. Once he started his words flew easily from his lips. He told Sasuke everything. And Sasuke listened intently to every word. He seemed to eating the words and emotions, absorbing it into his very flesh.

Naruto clutched Sasuke's shirt, pulling the boy closer, still hiding his face in the other's chest. The black cloud released his heart, stopped squeezing the life out of him. It was still there, but it was manageable. For the first time he could breath, he took a gasp of air and whipped the tears that lingered on his face. Sasuke ran a hand threw Naruto's hair. He placed his lips to the blond's neck, and began kissing his way up and down, making the blond breathless once again.

Xxx--xxX

_I promise you right know  
I never let you down  
Ready, set, go it's time to run  
The sky is changing we are warned  
Together we can make it while the world is crashing down  
Don't turn around_

One, two, three, four… He counted the cracks in the old ceiling of his apartment. He was laying face up in his bed. Naked, covered only by the blanket that also coved the sleeping Uchiha, who was equally naked. Five, six, seven, eight… He let his eyes move around the ceiling as thoughts of what happened filled his mind. He was confused. He couldn't believe what he had done. He could believe that more than who it was he had done it with. He brought his arm up, laying his hand across his eyes. His heart skipped a beat. The blackness surrounded his heart. Touching, threatening, but not yet strangling.

He sighed softly as he turned his head and looked at the peaceful boy beside him. He had never seen Sasuke so passionate, so animated. He was usually cold, distant and reserved. The sight of Sasuke above him, his thick member pushing in and out, moaning, screaming filled his mind. He shuddered and licked his lips.

He pulled his hand way from his face and looked back to the ceiling counting the cracks again. One, two, three, four, five…

Sasuke stirred in his sleep. Moving to his side and he slung a hand over the blonde's stomach. He snuggled closer and was immobile yet again. Naruto let out a small breath. He closed his own eyes hoping sleep would over take him. Which it did.

Xxx--xxX

_I'm warning you, don't follow me  
I won't miss you, can't you see  
What you wanted it didn't work  
Go on digging in the dirt  
In the dirt_

Cold sweat on your brow  
Now you can hear me shout  
Your world is about to destruct  
Now I'm gonna pull the plug  
Pull the plug

He was happy. For the first time he was so happy. He told Sasuke everything, and in return Sasuke himself opened up to him. Confessing dark secrets that kept him so cold and distant. He told Naruto everything in return for Naruto telling him everything. He professed love for the blond. He swore up and down that his love for the boy would never diminish and that the cold Uchiha would love him for ever.

The blond didn't want to believe him. But his heart soared at the words. He couldn't believe that someone could actually see him as more than the energetic blond dunce that ran around screaming Believe it!!.

The sight of Sasuke made his hear leap. Hearing his voice sent shivers down his spine. And every time they touched he swore he could hear angel's singing. He had no doubt that he was utterly in love with the avenger. Though he doubted severely that the avenger could love him back after all he told him.  
Sasuke did everything in his power to let the blond know he was loved.

One day, 5 months after their first night, they were at the bridge again, awaiting Kakashi. Sakura was hanging onto Sasuke who kept trying to get her to go away, Naruto laughed seeing his boyfriend get more and more annoyed with her.

With a puff of white smoke Kakashi appeared, leaning against the railing. "No missions today, but Naruto, the Hokage wants to have a word with you." He said and disappeared. Naruto pouted and shrugged and told Sasuke to go home without him. He made his way to the Hokage who simply wanted to talk about the details of his past mission. It lasted mere minuets and soon Naruto was on his way back to his and Sasuke's apartment.

Opening the door to his apartment, he walked in, and shut the door behind him noiselessly. He walked to his and Sasuke's bedroom door, he grabbed the knob and pulled and froze. He eyes grew large and the black cloud squeezed and ripped into his heart until he was sure that it would simply stop beating.

A/N:Okay you know the drill by now. Only way you get to know what was behind his door is if you review. I'm so mean. haha.


	4. Don't Go

-1A/N: Chapter 4 enjoy! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, glad to know you like it. Songs are Secondhand Serenade-Fall for you and Escape the Fate- Let it go.

Xxx--xxX

_This is not what I intended  
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart  
You always thought that I was stronger  
I may have failed but I have loved you from the start_

Oh, But hold your breathe  
Because tonight will be the night  
That I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true

His breath caught in his throat. He couldn't look away from the sight that was before him. He could feel the blackness wrap around his heart like a thorny vine, wrapping tighter and tighter until he could all but feel the blood draining from his heart until it would finally cease to beat.

"Oh! Sasuke!" yelled the pink haired girl who laid, naked, beneath Sasuke who was thrusting his member into her repeatedly, moaning. Both had their eyes shut and took no notice of the blond watching every detail. Sasuke leaned over her and lick up her neck saying "I love you, more than anything." and continued to thrust into her.

Naruto began to shake. He could taste vomit at the back of his throat. His lungs felt like they were being squashed and no air could be pulled into his system. He made and involuntary strangling noise and brought his hand to his throat.

His odd noise got the attention of the pair on the bed, who looked over and saw the blond with horror written throughout his eyes.

"Naruto. Listen. This isn't… I wasn't…" Sasuke began. Tears blossomed from behind his strikingly blue eyes. He brought the hand that was covering his throat over to touch the door and he slammed it shut. Putting a barrier between him and the last happiness he ever had, he slowly took a few steps away from the door and total isolation came over him. It was so much worse than a nightmare. Nightmares you can wake up from. This was hard, cold reality bitch-slapping him across the face and laughing at him for ever thinking, even for a moment, that love, happiness, and joy could ever be his. The black cloud swelled engulfing his entire heart, engulfing his lungs, his muscles. It grew. Larger and larger until it covered his entire body, bringing a stabbing, hopeless pain to ever nerve ending. It swelled over his brain, casting everything in blackness. He ran from the apartment.

Xxx--xxX

_I'm on the verge of a breakdown  
I'm on the brink of an epic meltdown  
I'm on the way to a flat line  
Oh, oh yeah  
No, I don't really want to leave you behind  
But apparently you can't stay all mine  
So I'll try to let you go  
You're not mine to own_

Tears blurred his vision as he ran from the apartment. Soon breath could not make its way into his body and he dodged into a dark alleyway, sitting on the ground mere streets from his apartment. He gasped for the little air he could get. Desperation was seeping through every pore. He brought out the kunai he had put in his pocket in preparation for today's possible mission. He removed the top of his orange jumpsuit and placed the kunai to the top of his forearm. He pressed with all his might and it sliced deep into his arm.

He growled. It wasn't good enough. There was too much blackness. Too much drowning in air. He pressed it to the inside of his wrist, pressed even harder. It left even a bigger gash and now half his arm was covered in his blood. But it just wouldn't do for him. He wanted more. More pain. The hollowness was too great. He was losing himself to the blackness. He couldn't stop sinking.

He needed more. He put the point of the kunai to his side. Pressed with a strength that seemed to be beyond him and pulled it across his stomach with no mercy. He gasped as the searing sensation washed over him and let loose his lungs. He pulled the much need air into his lungs and he collapsed face down onto the ground.

A different blackness came to him. It didn't have any of the pain or hollowness to it that the other had. As the edges of the darkness touched him he felt hands roam over his body and heard a panicked voice yell in his ear. He lifted his arm to wave away whoever it was, but his hand flopped back to the ground as the darkness over took him.

A/N: I love cliff hangers. It makes reading all that more fun. Because you never know who it is, or what will happen next. You want to know what happens next?? The only way you get to find out is if you REVIEW!!!!!!!!Thank you for reading thus far.


	5. Can't Live

-1A/N: Oh my gosh. I am loving writing this story. Its putting my own situation on paper(well computer). and is making things clearer for me. Thanks again to everyone who is reviewing. Sorry to keep giving you cliffies but that's the only way that I know to keep you reading. Songs are Escape the Fate- My Apocalypse and -It's Just Me

Xxx--xxX

_There's a man with an axe  
Standing in the rain_

Looked me straight in the eyes  
This is what he had to say

Never fall asleep  
You won't wake up

His green eyes looked up at the tall building. He bowed his head, making his red hair fall over his eyes. He stepped into the hospital. Glancing up he glared at the people that surrounded him, and he cursed the blond who made him come here. He had been walking to meet with the Hokage about happenings with the Sand Village, as Kazekage he made frequent trips to many villages for many reasons, and as he walked by he heard the sound of sobbing and could smell the thick blood in the air. He had followed it to the blond host for the nine tailed demon, who was passed out with gashes across his body.

Yelling for help he knelt next to the boy and searched his body for more hidden injeries. He could find none and could tell the ones he did have were self-inflicted. As he keep yelling for assistance the boy raised a hand that quickly fell. He placed his own hand over it. He had talked to the boy as help had come. Whispered soft sounds that nothing except for the boy's un-working ears could hear.

Sasuke never followed the blond. He merely finished with Sakura and went back to his own apartment that had been vacant for that last 5 months. Never did the thought that Naruto could be in trouble cross his mind.

Xxx--xxX

_Now I'm crawling away cuz the stress has killed me  
I feel like I fell from a 10 story building  
Best run and hide before the devil starts forbidding  
I'm living my life in this hell_

I'm not one for the crowd to see  
It's just me  
It's just...

Just a little more, come on and satisfy me  
Just a little more, come on and terrify me  
Just a little more and I'll be done with it  
Take my life and then I'll feel okay

He tipped his head to side. The darkness was receding, leaving numbness in it's wake. He cracked an eye open and was meet with just whiteness. He open both eyes just enough to squint at the whiteness. A small smile pulled at his lips. Am I dead? He thought. Did I finally kill myself? His smile grew larger at the thought and his eyes widened. At that moment a soft, emotionless voice came from beside him. "Take the smile off your face. You haven't managed to kill yourself. Your simply in a hospital room."

A/N: Okay. Another short chapter. Sorry. I try to make them long but sometimes I just like cutting them short. Anyway you know the deal. REVIEW. Please!!!!Oh and if you tell me some songs with lyrics that go with this storyline please leave the band and song name in a review. I'm running out of good songs. Ha ha.


	6. Don't Die

-1A/N: Ah. Chapter 6. wow….ok thanks goes to White Wolf 0604. Who not only gave me good songs to use but also found them for me. Thank you!!! I appreciated that. The songs White Wolf 0604 was brilliant enough to think of, and the songs I used are Three Days Grace-Pain and Hold On by Good Charlett. Thanks again! Enjoy!

Xxx--xxX

_Anger and agony  
Are better than misery  
Trust me I've got a plan  
When the lights go up you'll understand_

Pain, without love  
Pain, can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

He whipped his head around. Looking to the side of the bed where he heard the voice, his own blue eyes met beautiful, hard jade eyes.

"Ga-Gaara, what are you doing here?" The blond asked.

Gaara just looked at him blankly. "What do you think I'm doing here? I find you half dead in a dark alley way, and that's all you have to say to me?"

Naruto blushed and looked around. He was indeed in a hospital room. White walls, white bed sheets, white blanket over him, white nightgown, and white bandages covering his arm. Images came back to him, Sasuke and Sakura, flashes of buildings as he ran, the kunai across his stomach. He groaned. He pulled the blanket away from his body and placed a hand over his stomach. He felt the bandages covering it from side to side and as he put pressure on it, there was a dull ache. He sighed, he was properly medicated so there was no pain. He put more pressure on his stomach and felt a budding pain.

A hand wrapped around his wrist pulling it away. Naruto jumped, he had forgotten the boy who was sitting next to him. His expression was clear as he looked down on the blond kitsune.

"I saved your life, you should repay me by not hurting yourself in my presence." he said calmly.

Feeling a spark flare within him he yelled "Repay you? I wanted to die! I wanted it to be over! But NO you just couldn't let the pain stop! I should repay you for making me live in this agony for any longer. I should kick you ass from here to the sand village and back again!" He sat up glaring at the older boy.

Gaara was unfazed by his anger, merely narrowing his eyes, and asked one simple word. "Why?"

Naruto growled and wiggled over to the opposite side of the bed and slung his feet over the side. Gaara stood up and pulled the blonde's shoulder until he was laying down sideways on the bed, feet still over the side. "Where do you think your going?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "The moon, where do you think? What are you, my parent?"

Gaara shook his head. "I don't care if I get my answers but until you work out your issues, and stop destroying yourself. I'm not letting you out of my sight." He said and sat down and laid down in the opposite way of the blond.

Naruto closed his eyes. Images of the his betrayers flashed before his eyes. He heard Sasuke's voice as if it was screaming in his ear. "I love you more than anything". He shivered and the blackness washed over him, scratching new wounds into the flesh of his heart. Tears, unbidden, came to his eyes and spilled onto his temples and fell to the bed. "It just hurt." He was surprised at the sound of his own voice, so soft and strangled. "I just wanted the pain to stop. It hurt so bad."

Gaara bent his arm, patting the blond awkwardly on his head. It was a slight shift, barely noticeable, but some of the blackness pulled away. Naruto looked up, trying to glimpse the hand on his head. He looked down catching the eye of the murderous red head. He new it was a gesture not easily given for the boy. He felt a genuine smile tug at his lips.

_Your days  
You say they're way too long  
And your nights  
You can't sleep at all  
Hold on  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more  
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to know more  
But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go through  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching, it's not over  
Hold on_

Xxx--xxX

A/N:Ok. Damn, short chapter. This might be the last chapter, unless you review saying you want to know what happened to Sasuke when Gaara gets his hands on him. Or if you just want to continue in general. Tell me what you want to know in a review and I'll write it. Or if you don't review, well then this is the end. Goodbye.


	7. Can't Take Too Long

-1A/N: Songs are Linkin Park- Somewhere I Belong, and ICP-Boogie Woogie Wu (Im sorry I just think it's funny cuz of what Gaara does to Sasuke in the next chapter, [by the way if your squeamish don't read that part {pure torture}]). You want lyrics with my stories you gotta review with the songs, if I think it would fit with what I have in mind I'll put it in. I haven't watched the series beyond when Sasuke goes to Sound, but for this story lets say Gaara lost his demon and can no longer use his sand because of that. ok Thanks. Enjoy.

Xxx--xxX

Naruto's P.O.V.

_And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
(I was confused)  
Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind  
(So what am I)  
What do I have but negativity  
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me  
(Nothing to lose)  
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own  
I will never know myself until I do this on my own  
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed  
I will never be anything till I break away from me  
I will break away, I'll find myself today_

Naruto's P.O.V.

I can't stand it. I just…can't. I know it's stupid. Pathetic. It weakened me to the point of breaking. To the point I promised myself I would never reach again. My heart. My life. My dreams. Its all in pieces. My cheeks are ashen. My hands won't stop shaking. Why did you have to save me? Why was it me you decided to show your humanity towards? Why do you have to be the life raft caring me to safety? Your saving me, do you know that? Do you know I don't want you to save me? Is that why your doing it? Because you know I don't want it? Or do you do it, cuz you know deep down that I do? What would you say to me, if for once you would let your walls down? Would you answer all those questions? Would you tell me why? Why you continue to sit beside me? Why you continue to look after me? Why you give a damn about weather I kill myself or not? Why I can't look away from you?

We are sitting, simply sitting. We are outside, next to the river. You sit in your silence as always watching the water move with your stone jade eyes. Your arms around your knees that are bent close to your chest. Your red hair is as it always is, messy and kind of long, covering the edges of your tattoo on your forehead.

Your perfectly at peace. Simply lounging on the grass. I can't look away. You blink, the first movement of yours for some time. You look out of the corner of your eye. You look directly into my eyes without even turning your head. Your lips twitched and pulled back, gracing me with one of your rarest smiles. I cocked my head to the side, wondering what spurred this bout of happiness.

Xxx--xxX

Gaara's P.O.V. (2 hours before Naruto's P.O.V.)

_But when you see the juggla, your holding your jugular"  
With a swing, chop, stab, swing, chop  
You're holding your neck together, but your nuts drop  
And the cops do the best they can  
They pull the axe out your face and say "Was it the Boogie Man?"_

Murder was the only thing on my mind. The word kept flashing in front of my eyes, the wind whispered it in my ear as I walked. The boy had just told me who it was that had pushed him to suicide, and what that Uchiha had done to my blond.  
I shook my head focusing on the ground, wondering when the blond had suddenly become mine. Footsteps sounded around the corner, knocking me back to my senses. I was around the corner from Sasuke's apartment.

I licked my lips as the word murder flashed in my mind again. I looked around the corner and saw the raven haired boy enter his apartment, and shut the door behind him. He was alone. Perfect.

I walked to the door, looking at it and wondering which way to make my entrance. Picking the lock would take me forever, I was no pro at it without my sand. I could kick the door down, that idea would please me, seeing pure shock and panic on the avengers face. But that entrance would be loud, drawing all ninja in the building and I want to be able to take my time and make the boy squirm.

Deciding best to take my time and pick the lock I grabbed the doorknob, which turned easily in my grasp. I looked at the door, cursing myself for not thinking the cocky ninja would leave his door open. I strolled in, as if I owned every inch.

A/N: Ok sorry about saying I would stop there at the last chapter. I didn't think it was that bad a place to leave it. So now I don't know when I'm going to be done with it. It all depends on the reviews, if you review and tell me you want more, give me ideas and I'll write what you want. So, you know, review. Ha. But I know I left this chapter really cliffy so your at least guaranteed one more chapter possibly two depending. After that its up to you.


	8. Don't Listen

-1A/N: Damn. Sorry it took so long to write and put up. I had some shit happen and blah blah blah. So anyway . Enjoy. Songs- Rise Against=Survive. and a song called Drones but I'm not sure what band sings it.

Naruto's P.O.V.

_Somewhere between happy and total fucking wreck,  
Feet sometimes on solid ground and sometimes at the edge,  
To spend your waking moments, simply killing time,  
Is to give up on your hopes and dreams, give up on your...  
Life for you, has been less than kind,  
So take a number, stand in line,  
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt,  
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are._

I walk down the streets of the city. It was the first time in days Gaara had left my side for more than a few minuets. I looked around nervously. People were as always, passing by without noticing the blonde boy who was hugging his arm and stomach. Tsunade had done her best to quite the rumors that the people who Gaara had called to save me had begun to spread.

I kept looking around at the buildings, at the people passing by. I had been forced to tell Tsunade why I had tried to commit suicide. Through the explanation she was sympathetic. She allowed me to take a break from my team until I healed, then passed me to the hand's of Gaara to make sure I did heal.

Sasuke. That bastard, I think to my self, sent flowers to me while I had been in the hospital. Didn't have the decency to speak to me face to face.  
I look around again and see pink and blond hair walking towards me. I hid to the side so they wouldn't see me, but I could hear everything.

"Wow, I can't believe he was so stupid." Said Sakura to Ino. Ino giggled as Sakura continued. "yeah, me and Sasuke had been doing it every Saturday since the two got together. Sasuke said he loved doing the things he wasn't supposed to." I could hear the smile in her voice and Ino mutter. "Now that sounds kinky." and giggled again.

Sakura continued, "yeah yeah, very kinky, I'm just completely surprised that that stupid baka actually went off and tried to kill himself. It's better than I planned, now I have Sasuke all to myself."

By that time they had walked out of earshot. I sank to the floor. Blackness swallowed my heart. Tears reached my eyes. I felt the pain coming oh so swiftly toward me. My last of my coherent thoughts were wondering where Gaara was.

Xxx--xxX

Gaara's P.O.V. (half-hour after Naruto's)

_Deep inside these burning buildings  
Voices die to be heard  
Years we spent teaching a lesson  
We ourselves had never learned_

And if strength is born from heartbreak  
Then mountains I could move  
And if walls could speak I'd pray  
That they would tell me what to do

The look on Sasuke's face was hysterical. Eyes wide, mouth gaping as he watched me walk swiftly into his home. The hour of waiting was deemed worthy.

"So Sasuke. What way do you want to die??" my words laced in malicious. He looked at me blankly. I shut the door and smirked at my prey.

Xxx-five minuets later-xxX

I sighed. Stepping back and admiring my work, I smirked again at the raven. Ropes bound his arms to the ceiling and chains had him hooked to the floor. His entire body was naked. His mouth was taped with duct tape. Wide black eyes were starting at me as I laughed at his position. He tried wiggling but it was no use, he couldn't get loose.

I smiled at the panicking boy. I walk until I was at his side. With my hand I traced circles across Sasuke's wrists. "You know." I whispered in his ear. "You hurt Naruto. Bad. Your going to pay. Worse." I pulled out a dull knife and put it to his wrist and pulled just hard enough for the dull blade to rip the skin. Sasuke grunted deep in his throat.

I moved my hand that held the knife so that the blade gently trailed down the line of blood that fell from the cut. I kept moving it until it was at his shoulder, I put more pressure on the blade and made it rip deeper into his flesh. Sasuke remained quit but tightened up his face.

"Do you feel pain? Can you imagine what it was like for him to crave this?" I moved the blade over his shoulder and pushed harder, carving a scratch from his collar bone to his nipple. He screamed but the tape muffled the voice. Blood streamed down over his stomach.

"You betrayed him in the worse way." I pulled the blade away and walked to his other side. I placed the knife to his side, just under his armpit and pushed until there was a huge gash straight to his hip.

"You took his heart, tore it, stepped on it until nothing was left but pain." I grounded my teeth together as anger began to get the best of me. I took the knife and placed it to his stomach as more muffled screams left the helpless boy.

I turned and looked him in the eye, straight on. I took the knife point and held it to his stomach. "You killed him. He might have been saved, but he's so dead inside. And you're the one that killed him. You're the one the drove him to suicide. You're the one who destroyed him. And you're going to pay." I moved the blade, slashing him across the stomach. There was a pool of blood on the floor. I put the knife to his left cheek and grabbed the right side of the tape that kept his screams silenced.

"Until the day you die, you will pay for what you have done." I pulled the blade down and scarred his perfect face and at the same time I ripped the tape from him mouth. He howled at the top of his lungs. The sound was almost defining.

The first step of my plan to destroy the Uchiha had gone as planned and with the knowledge that I would leave him with permanent scars I left his building before anyone got to his apartment. The people would save him, but his face and body would be scared, and my revenge had just begun.

A/N: Jeez, again sorry it took so long to write, and sorry what i did manage to write was so little. Hopefully I'll get the chance to write more soon. But I won't post what i do write unless i get some REVIEWS!!!!!Thanks for reading.


	9. Can't Breath

-1A/N: Chapter 9.…wow….and with help from a review I found out that the song Drones that I used in the last chapter and didn't know who the band was, it was Rise Against, thanks for that review. Makes me feel stupid that I used one of their songs right before that hahaha. Anyway, songs are Trust Me by the Fray and Animal I have Become by Three Day's Grace. Enjoy.

Gaara's P.O.V.

_Looking for something I've never seen  
Alone and I'm in between  
The place that I'm from and  
The place that I'm in  
A city I've never been  
I found a friend or should I say foe  
Said there's a few things you should know  
We don't want you to see  
We come and we go  
Here today, gone tomorrow_

The smirk would not leave my face as I walked from the building. The sound of that bastard's screaming was still ringing in my ears. I shivered in joy and glanced down at my wrist, looking at the time on my watch. It was long past the time I was suppose to meet my Naruto.

I sighed. I couldn't wait to see the blonde's reaction when I tell him what I did. Hopefully this time he'd forgive my lateness. I reached the spot by the river I had told him to wait for me at. I looked around and found no sign of the blond. I figured that he walked to apartment, thinking I wasn't going to be there. I took my time to his apartment and helped myself in. I looked all around the entire place, nothing.

Maybe he had one of his ramen cravings. I went down to the ramen shop, nothing. The beginnings of panic began to stir in my chest. I went to Iruka's, maybe the blond needed to talk to him. I searched the training grounds, thinking the blond wanted to work out. My hopes were crushed. The grounds were empty. I went and searched all the café', all the restaurants, all the stories and came away with no blond.

I checked all his' friends places. No Naruto. I searched all the sensei's places. No Naruto. Panic flare in my chest. No matter where I looked I could not find the blonde's reassuring smile, or see the empty glint in his eye, that made me feel my own, which gave me comfert to know I wasn't alone.

As a last resort I ran to Tsunade's. I took the stairs up to her office two at a time. I gripped the door knob, opened it and hurried in. Tsunade was sitting at her desk working on some papers, she glanced up as I walked through her door. She went back to her papers as she asked "Sasuke still alive?"

I nodded and replied. "Barely." I looked over the entire apartment and couldn't fine a sign the blond had been there. She smirked at her papers and asked "What was Naruto's reaction when you told him what you did?"

I looked at her and sensing my unease she looked up into my eyes. I told her "I don't know, I can't find him."

She looked surprised. But then shock her head. "He must be at the ramen shop, or out training." I walked up to her desk and put my hands on it. "I already looked every possible place I would ever think that Naruto would be. What if something happened to him?"

Tsunade stood up and began to walk out of the office. "Well, we're just going to have to find him before something bad does happen.

Xxx--xxX

Naruto's P.O.V.

_I can't escape this hell_

_So many times i've tried_

_But i'm still caged inside _

_Somebody get me through this nightmare _

_I can't control myself _

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me _

_No one will ever change this animal I have become _

_Help me believe it's not the real me._

The city is so big. When your walking the streets you manage to feel big, but up here, on the stone head of the first Hokage, everything is so tiny, so pointless I am laying on my stomach, looking down at all the people moving, I know they can't see me, that's why I was there. I could see every small person running around like ants. It makes you realize how pathetic life really is.

I stood up, turned my back on all the people I've known all my life. Turned my back on the people that made fun of me, the people who hated me. Turned my back on the people who were supposed to be my friends, on the people that betrayed me. I turned my back on everyone who meant anything to me. I inch back over the edge.

A/N: God I love mean cliffys like that. So review. So I can post another chapter and another cliffy. or well maybe not a cliffy, I don't know yet. So review. yeah.


	10. Don't let it be over

-1A/N: Chapter 10. Lyrics are Its All Over by Three Days Grace. Enjoy.

Naruto's P.O.V.

_It's all over for_

_You  
For you  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over for you  
For you  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over_

I feel the edge of the cliff on my heals. I inch father over until I'm perched so perfectly that if a wind would blow it would blow me right off the cliff. I sigh and close my eyes. I could see a picture of Gaara behind my eye lids. I whispered to the still air. "I love you, I'm sorry."

I leaned back and let myself fall. I felt the air pass me. I heard the wind whip my ear. I open my eyes and its like the world was in slow motion. I can see the cliff get slowly farther and farther away. I know my relief is coming. I could already taste my pain lessening. I breath in once, I hear a loud bang and my sight goes black

Gaara's P.O.V.

I run through the busy streets. I yell at the top of my lungs for Naruto, but I get no answer. I ran past the same spots. I yell his name over and over. I'm about out of my mind with worry. As I run past people give me weird looks. It's the first time they ever seen so much emotion on my face. They can't believe that I am being so unlike myself.

I turn a corner and just about run into Tsunade who was running in the opposite direction.

"Have you found him yet?" She asked me breathlessly.

"No I checked ever…" I started but then stopped as Iruka ran up to us, tears in his eyes.

"Naruto was found." He said gasping. "He was found at the bottom of Hokage mountain. He jumped."

I take a step back. I couldn't pull any air into my lungs. My legs buckled and if it wasn't for Tsunade, who steadied me, my I would have fell to the ground.

"He's in the hospital right now, he's alive but just barely." Iruka said and broke down in sobs.

Xxx-10 minutes -xxX

After calming Iruka, Tsunade and me headed to the hospital. My heart was pounding. I could feel every inch of it in my throat. My hands were sweating as I waited for Tsunade to finish getting information from the doctors.

I watched from a distance as they talked. The doctor said something and Tsunade looked shocked. Then he said something else and she looked down and scratched her head. They spoke some more and then she walked over to me.

"Well he jumped, the doctors are doing all they can to stabilize him, he broke plenty of bones and its not looking good, but because of the nine tailed fox demon inside him he managed to not die on impact. We're just going to have to wait."

"Can I see him?" I asked her, I was surprised at my voice, which came out as a squeek.

She looked at me. Closed her eyes and shook her head. "He's in surgery as soon as he's out you can see him."

Xxx--xxX

A/N: Sorry about the shortness. I just wanted to get one last chapter up before I went to bed for school tomorrow. I don't know when I'll be able to post the next chapter. I don't get that much time to write during the week so it probably wont be until next weekend. So if you want me to post it when I write it then REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	11. Can't Let Go

-1A/N:WARNING: Extreme OOCness for Gaara. Sorry, couldn't help it. Oh I put some stories and poems and whatnot on my FictionPress account and I would love to get some reviews and whatever on them so the link to that is -- /~shazamerillo and its also at the bottom of my account on here. Lyrics are Youth of a Nation by POD(i think thats the name of the band not sure)

Naruto's P.O.V.

_Maybe this kid was reaching out for love  
Or maybe for a moment  
He forgot who he was  
Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged  
Whatever it was  
I know it's because  
We are, We are, the youth of the nation  
_

It was so dark. Everywhere I turned there was nothing but blackness. The air was thick, I could barely pull it into my lungs. I was numb. Oh so blissfully numbed. I tried to lift my arm to touch my face, but my body would not respond.

A blood red light enveloped my vision. One second it was all black and as though I were a swimmer arising to the surface of the water, red came over my eyes.

"Naruto," I heard a soft, sad voice call from somewhere far away. It sounded so familiar but I couldn't remember who it was. "Naruto please, please."

I struggled to move. I wanted to get to the voice. It sounded so sad, so distressed. I wanted to comfort it, make it all better. I felt my eyelids flutter.

"Naruto?" The voice sounded surprised and hopeful. "Naruto, Naruto are you waking up?" The sound of the voice was heartbreaking, cracking with fear and brimming with hope.

I felt something move in my hand. "Naruto please, if you can hear me squeeze my hand." I want to make the voice happy. I put all my thoughts, all my energy into making my hand move. Which I did.

"Tsunade! Tsunade! He's waking up!" The voice yelled in excitement. I finally placed who the voice belonged to. Gaara.

It was like a brick wall slammed into me. I remembered everything. My blissful numbness was gone and once again I was in pain. But the pain of my emotions were nothing compared to the pain of my body. Every inch felt like it was in flames. All I wanted was to look at Gaara.

I put all my energy now to flutter my eyes open. I saw Gaara looking down at me, worry etched into every part of his face. When he saw my eyes were open he collapsed on top of me, buried his face in my chest and began to cry. He clutched my shirt and whispered, "why? Why? Why? Why?"

I closed my eyes as tears burned them. My arms felt like lead as I wrapped them around him. We cried together.

The truth of my second failed suicide hit me in the face.

"It was all fake." My voice came out a hoarse whisper. "right from the beginning it was all lies. My happiness my love. I failed. I can't do anything right. I can't keep my love. I can't protect people. I can't go on missions. I can't even kill myself."

The door to my hospital room banged open. Tsunade walked in, she looked at the position that Gaara and I were in and sighed.

"Gaara," she said softly, "Naruto needs to be seen by the doctors, you need to leave." Gaara shook his head and refused to leave my side. After much threatening on Tsunade's part she finally managed to pull him away from me.

A/N: Sorry, i wanted to make this chapter longer but i just wanted to post SOMETHING. Haha. So yeah next chapter should be up tomorrow or whenever i get it done. In the mean time I'm putting stories and poems and stuff on my fictionpress account so you should read those and REVIEW them. the link is in the A/N at the top of the page. Thanks and dont forget to review this chapter!


	12. Don't call it perfect

-1A/N: Song is Just so you Know by Jesse McCartney (or however you spell it)

Gaara's P.O.V.

_I shouldn't love you but I want to  
I just can't turn away  
I shouldn't see you but I can't move  
I can't look away  
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not  
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop  
Just so you know  
This feeling's taking control of me  
And I can't help it  
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now_

My breath caught in my throat as the blond that I was wheeling around in the wheelchair looked up at me and smiled. It was so amazing. After such pain. After such betrayal and such damage, that Naruto could still look up at me with so much hope, simply amazing.

"Gaara, are you listening to me?" Asked the boy, still smiling up at me.  
"yeah, yeah completely." I said.

He laughed, and I couldn't help but get lost in the sound of happiness. "No you weren't. Or else you would have been excited. But anyway, like I was saying, the doctors said that as long as I live with someone who would keep an eye on me I will be able to leave the hospital next week. So, I kinda told them I would be living with you, I knew you wouldn't mind…do you?"

I sighed and felt my lips pull up in a smile of my own. "Of course not. I'm the best person to keep an eye on you."

We stood there just outside the door to the cafeteria, Naruto looking up at me with his big smile and me just looking at him.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and faced a smirking Tsunade. "Gaara can I speak with you a moment over there?" I nodded and followed her out of the blonde's hearing distance.

"It appears that both Sasuke and Sakura have both been found dead just inside the Sand Village territory. Their bodies, bloody, dissected and maimed. You wouldn't have any idea how that had happened would you?"

I smirked myself and told her "Why, no, I have no idea, be sure I will look into that matter." She smiled and turned on her heals, walking away.

I looked back at the blond who was staring at the ceiling with a bored expression. We both knew it would be a long road to healing. But we also knew we could do it as long as we had each other. Through each breakdown, each tear. We'd be together forever. Nothing could take us apart. Not even death.

A/N: OK, NOT THE END!!! i got some good reviews and now i have so many good ideas so this story will so be continueing. haha.


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